Loneliness during the holidays

Big thanks to Bec Box for suggesting this topic - comment below with weekly reminders you want us to create.

Transcript

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Out of all the weekly reminders

we film this year.

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I hope

this is the one that most people watch.

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Hey Team! For this week's weekly reminder

we're going to be talking

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about the holiday season again.

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But this time, from the perspective

of someone who's feeling a little bit

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alone or lonely.

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When we think of these times of year,

we think of celebration,

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family

and people coming together and having fun.

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But unfortunately,

that's not the reality for everyone.

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You might be spending

this Christmas on your own.

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Maybe your family

live interstate overseas.

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Or maybe they've even passed away.

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And some people will be spending it

with friends and family

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and lots of people around them,

but still feel alone inside.

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All these things are very common

and your feelings are totally valid.

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I've actually had a few Christmases

like this myself.

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There are a lot of studies and data

that shows one in three people

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usually experience loneliness

during the holiday season,

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so if you're feeling this way,

you're not alone.

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So what is it that triggers us

during these times of year?

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Well, it's a lot of things.

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First of all, budgets, finances,

they all increase

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during this time of year

trying to get gifts for everyone.

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And it can put us under a lot of pressure.

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Pressure leads to stress

and all of a sudden

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you don't want to even celebrate

Christmas.

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For some people,

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it's a time where you reflect on your life

or your year that's past.

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And if you're comparing or if you didn't

get to where you want to be this year,

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or if you're looking at your life

and saying,

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Oh, I've only got this much time left

to do this, it can be quite distressing.

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So a lot of people feel negative emotions

around this time of year, purely

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just from reflecting on their life.

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Something I've personally experienced

is having unreal expectations

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and, you know, kind of assuming Christmas

or festive season,

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especially New Year's, will be like how

you were imagining it with big parties,

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everyone's happy, but that doesn't

usually turn out how it happens.

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We actually did another weekly reminder

on limiting social media time.

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Definitely go check that out.

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But I feel like around this time of year,

it's a good chance for us

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to put our phones down

and just experience the moment.

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Now, I definitely haven't touched on

all the reasons you might be feeling

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a little down. depressed

or lonely during the holiday season.

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But if I haven't mentioned it,

it doesn't mean that it's not real.

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It's not valid.

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It totally is.

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Just know that other people

are going through it too,

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and there are healthy ways

that you can work around it.

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First of all, I recommend you

to do the most uncomfortable thing,

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which is acknowledging

how you actually feel.

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It's easy to run away

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and just distract yourself,

but when you work through your emotions

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and actually feel them,

you can let it pass through you.

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If you understand your emotions,

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you can understand what's triggering you,

which is different for everyone.

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And by doing this, you won't have

to suffer every single year.

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You'll be able to identify

what's stressing you out, what's

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causing you upset.

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And then next year, maybe pivoting.

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Changing some things

so you don't have to feel this way again.

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A great way

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to work through your emotions during

this time is doing a new tradition.

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You can start one yourself.

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You don't need family or friends to do

this.

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Just do something you love

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and put your energy towards it

and then go ahead and do it every year.

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I know for my mum

because my parents have split.

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I spend Christmas Day with my dad.

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Usually that means Christmas Day is

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alone for my mum.

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She doesn't have myself or Jake there,

so what she does, she goes to the beach.

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She enjoys it every year

and has started her own little tradition

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of doing something she loves.

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On Christmas Day.

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Alessia actually did the same thing

when she first moved to Melbourne.

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She didn't have any family here,

so she went to the beach and it's

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actually a great place

because there's a lot of people there

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spending Christmas on their own as well.

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Whatever you do, don't stay inside

and be miserable on your own.

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Get outside,

get into the sun and enjoy yourself.

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It's a great time to actually reflect

on what you are grateful for

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because no matter how crappy your day's

going, I'm sure there's a few things

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that you could reflect on

and be happy about in the last year,

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and the last tip

is to give back to the community.

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There are a lot of people around

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this time of year who are struggling,

and if you feel like helping people

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fulfills, you definitely

go out there, volunteer or literally

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just go outside and make some people happy

because around this time of year,

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people are feeling very stressed

and even a smile and cheer people up.

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My greatest wish for Christmas

this year, is that all of Team TANDA

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have a great time

and no one feels alone or lonely.

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I know it's a little bit unrealistic.

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There's going to be people

that are feeling that way,

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but I hope you know that you're loved

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and it's totally normal to have bad years,

bad days.

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It's just a part of life.

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As long as you know that it's

not going to be this way forever.

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Things are constantly changing.

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So even if you're having a crappy year

this year, just know that things will

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get better.

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I love you guys.

I hope this helps in some way.

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And please share this

with someone that you care about

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so that they don't feel alone

during the festive season.

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Okay. Speak soon Team, Bye.

This week's reminder is going to touch on loneliness during the holiday season. Let's be real, a lot of us have felt this and experienced these emotions. It's time to talk about it. What is it? What are the reasons behind it? And most importantly, how do we cope with it?

In order to move through difficult emotions, I find it best to dive deeper into understanding exactly what the emotion is and what is causing them. The more knowledge I can have surrounding the emotions or the trigger the easier I can work through feeling and stabilising the emotion. In saying all of this, let's get into it!

What are we talking about?

We’re talking about feeling lonely during the holidays. These emotions can be felt by anyone, whether they’re at a family gathering and surrounded by loved ones, or whether they’re celebrating the holidays on their own this year. It’s important for us to realise that “loneliness” and “being alone” are two separate things. And therefore we need not to put judgement on those who are feeling lonely, despite being surrounded by friends and family, just like we wouldn't put it on to the person who is physically alone during the holidays. Either way, no matter how you are spending your holiday season, just know that these feelings are completely valid, normal and are felt by more people than you would probably think!

“New data from Australian Red Cross reveals one in three people feel lonely during the festive season, but feelings of loneliness are more prevalent in women and younger people”.

So what are some reasons for loneliness during the holidays?

1. Not everyone feels loved and supported during this time. This time of year is always perceived as loving time spent with family and friends but not everyone has this. This also includes people who have lost loved ones. It acts as a reminder that they’re not there.
   

2. Unrealistic expectations. We can have an idea about how we think the holidays will go, everyone tells us it's the happiest time of the year so we expect it to be exactly that. However, sometimes this is not the case, and things don’t turn out the way we hoped for them to! Also, it’s so easy to get caught up in social media and what other people are doing for their holidays and comparing your experience to theirs.
   

3. Stress increases! The holiday season tends to increase stress levels for multiple reasons. One of those being financial stress, not everyone can afford to celebrate at all because of their financial position. Also life reflection begins around this time of year which can be stressful because we might not be where we want to be.

Remember, if you can’t relate to some of the points above, yet you still feel holiday loneliness, your feelings are still valid! These points only scrape the surface to how and why people feel this way during the holiday season and just because yours isn't listed doesn’t mean it's not valid.

Now that we understand briefly some reasons as to why we feel this loneliness during the holidays, let’s talk about how we can work through dealing with this loneliness in a productive and healthy way.

How can I work through the lonely feelings during the holidays?

1. Acknowledge your feelings. Sometimes it’s as easy as saying “I feel this way, and that’s okay”. When we understand how we feel and why, we’re able to move through the emotions quicker and more maturely than how we would if we were avoiding them all together. Understanding our emotions also helps us to identify our triggers, and when we’re able to identify our triggers during the holiday season, we’re able to avoid them and/or work through them.
   

2. Start a new tradition. You are the creator of your own existence, you can make your own traditions! Take yourself on a date and celebrate your life or the year just passed. Buy a mug painting kit and invite your best friend around to paint the Christmas mug with you and some nibblies. Side note: I remember when I was 19, fresh to Melbourne, when I had to spend Christmas away from family, me and my best friend went to the beach on Christmas day and spent it there. There were so many people there by themselves or just with a friend. You don't have to spend it inside miserable. Be somewhere that makes you happy, even if you are on your own.
   

3. Reflect on what you are grateful for. Instead of focusing on what we’re missing out on and what we don’t have, let’s shift our focus on to the things we do have and the things we are grateful for. A year is a long time, what have you achieved this year? Who has positively impacted your life? What good news did you receive? What new friends did you make? What new foods did you try? What or who made you laugh? Hold these positive feelings in your heart, and get excited for another year of being alive and growing.
   

4. Give back to your community. If you wish to stay social, be around people and support your local community look up volunteer opportunities with local organisations or charities in your area that you are able to help out in!

Just know that the pressure around this time of year is felt by almost everyone, you are not alone! The holiday season is a busy time of year, with a lot of high expectations surrounding it and feeling a negative way towards it is completely normal. But that doesn't mean that it has to ruin the entire festive season for us as long as we refocus our energy and attention onto what we're grateful for this year and find healthy ways to spend our time!