top of page

Why ask "Why"?

Updated: Jul 28


Do you ever stop to think about why you do the things you do? Why are you feeling what you’re feeling? Or why do people act the way they do? If not, we’re about to start. Why? Because asking why is one of the most important things you can do in life.

When you ask yourself why, you take yourself and your brain out of automatic mode. We start to realise why we do or feel the things that we do and this gives us a better understanding of how and why life around us is unfolding the way that it is. Taking notice of our own behaviours and feelings will help us better understand both ourselves and the world around us. This understanding of WHY then helps us break our old patterns and limitations and move into a new and higher version of ourselves.

It’s important that we also do this for others, not as deeply as we would do it for ourselves, but enough so that we can have a little more empathy for the people who surround us. Trying to understand other people and how they think is a good thing – it can help make relationships stronger and lead to a stronger understanding of the world. If you’re someone who feels like you’re already “too nice” or “too empathetic” to do this for others, and feel as though people are taking advantage of you; don't worry! I still encourage you to do this for two reasons

  1. By asking yourself WHY and having more of an understanding about your patterns and behaviours you will find more of yourself. It’s likely that you will be able to spot behaviours of others & yourself that have been painful in the past. Therefore you will hopefully have set stronger boundaries for the future so that they aren’t crossed again, hence breaking the pattern of behaviour. This means that it is less likely for someone to take advantage of you because you wouldn't have let them in as closely.

  2. A better understanding of other people can never hurt! You’d be surprised at how much you’d be able to see through fronts that people put on when you have a generally better understanding of how they work.

Asking yourself ‘Why’ once doesn’t always get you the answer that you need to learn and grow, which is why we ask ourselves at least 3 times. Let's work on it together through a fake scenario:

You can do this as journal prompts or thought starters with your own scenarios. I encourage you to write it down instead of thinking through it, as sometimes our brains can get cloudy when we think and stay in it too much!

Scenario: Suzie, Taz and I were hanging out together at lunch. We’re all friends getting along and have been close group friends for a while. I begin to talk about how Taz and I are planning to move out together, Suzie makes an out of character mean remark about whether or not that’s a good idea for us. Suzie’s behaviour changes and she starts being cold and rude to the both of us. This upsets me and makes me feel angry but I finish the interaction without showing any negative emotions and we say goodbye.

I get home and I want to figure out why this interaction has triggered me so much. I pull out my journal and begin to work through it by asking why:


WHY did Suzie’s behaviour change?

Well, it wasn’t for no reason… maybe she got triggered herself?

WHY would Suzie have gotten triggered by a conversation about me and Taz wanting to move out together?

Hmm… She went through a break up 3 months ago and is single.

WHY does Suzie’s break up have anything to do with me moving out with Taz?

Maybe she’s still working through the emotions of her break up and is a little bit jealous that we’re moving forward in ours and she couldn’t in hers.

Poor Suzie, she’s usually not like that, maybe I’ll call her and see how she’s REALLY doing after the break up. I didn't even think to ask her about it at lunch. She might need some extra love.


WHY am I feeling so angry?

Well Suzie was RUDE to me and questioned my relationship that's why!!!!

WHY did Suzie’s actions upset me so much?

Because in my last relationship my friend’s didn’t like my partner and it put pressure on the relationship. It made me feel alone and I don’t like that.

WHY don’t you like to be alone?

Because it’s scary.

WHY is being alone scary?

Because it makes me feel like everyone has forgotten about me.

WHY do you feel it’s important that people remember who you are?

Society has always made me feel like I need to leave a legacy behind. Which when I think about it that’s not really super important to me as long as my family and friends know they were loved I am happy with that!

Anyway! You guys get the idea, you can continue to ask why for so many of your previous answers. I hope this helps you in discovering and understanding yourself and the world around you. Let me know in the comments if you have ever done this before or if you find out something you didn’t know about yourself previously!

Related Posts

See All
bottom of page