Updated: Jun 7
00:00:00:03 - 00:00:18:26
Hey, Team, this week we wanted to talk a little bit about active listening and what we first thought about talking about this subject. We did a little research and we were like, okay, it's going to go like this, this and this. But after reading more about the research, we sort of discovered that active listening can look so different for everyone.
00:00:18:27 - 00:00:38:42
I know, like originally we were all told that active listening is like constant eye contact, really engaged, like straightforward body language, but not everyone works that way and not everyone is comfortable with those certain traditional structures of active listening. Yeah, so we're going to talk about it.
00:00:38:42 - 00:00:58:40
Growing up, like in my family, we kind of had a rule in a way where if someone's talking to you, you make eye contact with them and if you don't, if you look down or away, it's actually a sign of disrespect. So growing up, it was very much like you need to you need to maintain eye contact when people are talking to you.
00:00:58:40 - 00:01:19:29
But I noticed growing like getting into my teenage years and then getting into adolescence, people didn't necessarily do that. And at first I thought, Oh, maybe they're just not interested in the conversation, but they were always able to follow along and contribute to the conversation. So they were listening. They just weren't listening. Like me.
00:01:19:29 - 00:01:36:42
I feel like I do this sometimes in different scenarios, like Taz might be talking or my friends might be talking and I might not necessarily be looking at them. I might be a little bit distracted. I might be doing something with my hands, but it's actually helping me focus so that I can listen and engage in what they're saying.
00:01:36:42 - 00:01:43:28
It's with certain people and it's different for everyone, but sometimes like too long of eye contact, I'm like a little bit uncomfortable.
00:01:43:28 - 00:01:43:47
00:01:43:49 - 00:01:52:34
Even though I traditionally know that's a sign of respect and I would never want to disrespect anybody. But it's also like I'm going to do better if I can do it my own way.
00:01:52:34 - 00:02:16:19
Yeah, I think it's unreasonable to just assume that everyone listens the same way we also different as people. I find the environments can make a massive impact to the conversation. If there is a lot going on in an environment I find it hard to concentrate. So I totally get that certain places might not be the best environments to have certain conversations.
00:02:16:19 - 00:02:21:03
Like if you want to go deep with the person, I don't know if I would do it in like a shopping center.. or a cafe
00:02:21:14 - 00:02:40:29
Yeah, yeah. And that's just with anyone, you know, and some friendships or some family members might be comfortable with that. They might be capable and you might have those friends that you can sit in a cafe and sit there for hours and engage. But some people also might need a more quiet environment for them to be able to give you that, like, undivided attention.
00:02:40:30 - 00:03:16:31
Yes. So I think part of active listening to build relationships is in your life. A part of that is navigating what that looks like for each individual person in your life. Active listening helps to build strong relationships with friends because it gets rid of like miscommunications and creates like safe spaces for people to open up and connect. But I think that we really need to expand our minds into what does this look like for each of our friends or each of our family members, and how can I create that space with them that serves both me and them?
00:03:16:43 - 00:03:37:20
University studying psychology and active listening came up a lot. Active listening was actually first invented by a psychologist and it was used to teach other psychologists how to listen to their clients better. And then once people found out about it, they were like, Oh, this isn't just good for psychologists, this is good for like just the general public.
00:03:37:22 - 00:03:50:05
At the end of the day, active listening is so people can feel like they're heard and understood. Yes. So if you can convey that just by continuing the conversation with them, asking like good questions, yeah, that's enough.
00:03:50:05 - 00:04:21:27
Even paraphrasing what the person is saying to you, there are obviously things that we can do that's not active listening and that would include being on your phone, changing the subject and not responding to something that someone said to you. I think those are things that, you know, can be a little bit not nice, but if someone doesn't really want to hold eye contact with you might be fidgeting who might be looking away, but is maintaining that conversation and strengthening that relationship with you.
00:04:21:40 - 00:04:25:26
I think that's something that we need to learn to like navigate with them.
00:04:25:26 - 00:04:26:18
Yeah, for sure.
00:04:26:19 - 00:04:47:42
So moving into this week, we want to encourage you to have a look from an outsider's perspective as to how you're engaging in conversations and how the other people in your life are engaging in conversations with you. And how can you strengthen that individual relationship to create a really encouraging space that allows both parties to open up as much as possible?
00:04:47:44 - 00:05:07:28
There's no textbook for this. It's just based on what feels right for you and what feels right for the other person. But personally, like active listening and really helps deepen our relationship. When I see you listening to me like I feel loved. So it is an important skill that we do with our loved ones. They feel appreciated.
00:05:07:28 - 00:05:20:12
Not even just our loved ones, our loved ones, our friends, colleagues. Yeah, everyone wants to be heard, so everyone should have the opportunity to be. Have a great week, guys. Thank you for listening bye.
Ask a couple for relationship tips and 9 times out of 10 they will say one word…. “COMMUNICATION”!
It’s true that communication is super important when it comes to deepening your relationships with people, but there are two sides to this skill that people often forget about.
Part of communication is being able to express yourself clearly, while the other part is being able to listen… and well.
Growing up we are taught that listening goes beyond using your ears, ‘it's about using your eyes (eye contact) and non verbal cues too (like nodding your head, etc)’.
But not all of my friends and family listen like this, so does that mean they don’t care?
Recently I’ve learnt that not everyone listens the same, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t engaged in the conversation!
I have met people who have great conversations with me in quiet places, but at a cafe, they are overstimulated and can barely hold a conversation.
I have met people who give fantastic presentations in a business setting, but only when they have a fidget spinner in hand.
I have met people who make no eye contact at all, but still ask really thought provoking questions that let me know they are very much listening.
At the end of the day we all want to feel heard and understood, so if that looks like less eye contact and a conversation in a less overstimulating space, then I’m into that!
My idea of what ‘listening’ needed to look like has changed a lot and I hope this reminder opens you up to exploring different ways of communicating with your loved ones and colleagues.
This week, get curious about how you listen and how others listen to you.
Find ways to improve your listening in a way that works for you!
Would love to hear more about your thoughts on this in the comments section, so let us know how you go!