Cancelling Plans Doesn't Mean Cancelling Friendship: 3 Tips for Navigating Changes in Plans
Updated: Jun 7
Transcript
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Hey Team! In today's Weekly Reminder, we're going to
be talking about how to cancel on plans.
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Now, there are some days where you feel
pumped.
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You're hanging out with your friends
and you're like, yes, let's do this again.
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And you make plans in advance thinking
they're going to be the best thing ever.
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And then when that day comes,
you wake up and you’re feeling like crap.
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You could be feeling like crap
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emotionally, physically,
just not mentally up or.
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Yeah.
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So what do you do
when you've made the plans?
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But now you kind of don't want to go like,
do you just force yourself to go.
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No, Definitely not.
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Before we get into what to do,
I think we should talk about
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what it's like being the friend
on the receiving end.
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And I think we have to acknowledge
that it's important to have empathy for
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the person who feels comfortable
enough to tell you,
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Hey, I'm not feeling up to it today
for this reason.
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Yeah, empathy is the key word
because I think
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when you get canceled on at first,
you could feel like,
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oh, they making excuses
or why wouldn't they let me know early?
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Sometimes it feels personal
and a lot of the time it's not personal.
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Yeah.
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So just having that awareness
that it's nothing to do with you,
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that person's
probably just having a bad day
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or they need some more time
with themselves.
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And if they have opened up to about
what's going on in their life, at least
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they feel comfortable enough
to let you know and let you in.
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So have empathy for them and understanding
as to why they've decided to cancel.
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We recently had plans with a friend
and like we dont catch up with friends
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very regularly.
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I would say we have friends
that we can see like maybe once a month.
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Yeah, we still consider them really close
friends and we had plans with a friend
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we hadn't seen for maybe three months
and they canceled the day before.
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We meant to meet because they were just
like, I've had such a hard week at work,
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like I'm mentally exhausted
and I just need some time for myself.
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And we actually took that as like a really
good sign of where our friendships are.
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Like this person trusted us
enough to cancel on us.
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They told us the truth and were open
and honest and that feels good
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that we've been able to build
that relationship with them.
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So definitely don't take it personal
when you get canceled on Now,
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what do you do
if you're the one who's woken up
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and you really don't feel
like going to the plans today?
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Well, what I like to do
is always give a little bit of context.
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I never just cancel and then don't say
anything about why I'm canceling.
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Sorry. Can't come today.
That would be the worst.
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Yeah, I always give a little bit
of like a story, like a back story
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on what's going on.
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So if I'm feeling physically ill,
I'll let them know.
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Like, I was sick, like a few days ago.
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I thought it would clear up,
but I'm still, like, getting worse.
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Or if I'm mentally not feeling up for it,
I would tell them that
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like depending on my relationship
with the person.
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But most of my friends,
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I would feel comfortable being like,
I'm just not feeling too good tonight.
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Like, can we do another day?
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In some cases, I've told my friends like,
Oh, I'm feeling a little bit sad tonight.
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Maybe like, I just want to stay in.
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And they've said,
Do you want me to come to you?
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Like we don't have to go out
to the restaurant.
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We can just stay in, like, still hang out,
which was really nice.
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Yeah, that is really nice.
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So I personally
like a little bit of context.
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So something else that I would suggest
is giving as much notice in advance
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as you possibly can
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if you know that you're not feeling
well the night before, plans out
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like your friends know!
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Hey this is just come up.
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This might affect our plans for tomorrow.
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I just wanted to give you some notice,
but I'll let you know how I go.
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Yes, like, honestly, my friends
just give me a little bit of a heads up.
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At least
I know the plans are like 5050 now.
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So, for example,
if I need to do something else myself,
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I can actually say to them,
Hey, let's actually just reorganize it.
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Especially when there's things
like reservations involved.
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I feel like I kind of have that duty
to like, let people know ahead of time.
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100%.
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And sometimes you feel so guilty
that you're too scared to message them.
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But the longer you leave it,
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the more you're going
to be putting that person out.
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So if you cancel on someone 10 minutes
before you're meant to meet them,
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that's going to suck way more
than if you have to cancel on them
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even an hour, 2 hours, 3 hours in advance.
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You have to think about the other person
and what they're doing to make those plans
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happen. So,
you know, people want to put on makeup.
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People literally like put tan on the night
before to like, catch up with friends.
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Or maybe they left work early
to make sure they can get to you on time,
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things like that.
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So just have the other person in mind
when you're thinking
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the plans are like 50.
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50, so you've canceled the plans.
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You've been open and honest with them
about what you're feeling
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and why you've canceled the next thing
that you should do is reschedule.
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I feel like if you are the one
who's canceled the plans, it's your
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responsibility to follow up with the plans
and reschedule them for the future.
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I think that just shows your friend
or the person in your life
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that you care enough to definitely
still want to hang out with them,
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just not on that particular day.
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It's important to prioritize ourselves
when we are feeling
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at our most vulnerable,
and it's also important to have empathy
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when our friends come to us
and explain that All.
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I can say is
now that you've canceled the plans,
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actually take that time for yourself,
like.
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Hundred percent.
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Use that time to make yourself feel good
in whatever way that comes in.
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And I know that one self-care night
isn't going to change your mental health
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overnight, but it can definitely help
you feel a little better the next day.
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We hope these tips help.
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We're sending you love,
and have a fantastic week. Bye!
Making plans when you feel good is easy.
What’s not so easy is having to cancel them.
Sometimes we make plans for a future date with all the right intentions, but when it rolls around, we are not feeling up for it anymore.
If we are the friend who gets cancelled on at the last minute, it’s important to have empathy.
If we are the friend who needs to cancel, here are some tips on how you can do that, whilst still keeping your friendship in tact!
If you are comfortable explaining some of the emotions you are experiencing, that can really help your friend to understand what you are going through. Are you feeling a little run-down and need an early night? Are you feeling overwhelmed by work and need some time to get back on track? Are you feeling sad and don’t want to dress up and go out?
If you know ahead of time, give notice! If you wake up with a sore throat on Thursday and have plans on the Friday, it’s okay to give your friend the heads up that you might need to change plans. It’s always nice when friends keep me in the loop so that we can adjust plans if we need!
Make an effort to re-organise plans once you are feeling up to it. This is just my opinion, but I feel like if you have cancelled plans, then you should be the one to suggest the next catch up. It shows your friend that you do want to see them!
So you’ve cancelled your plans, you feel instant relief…. But now what.
Give yourself what your body / mind needs.
Your mental health is important, and cant be fixed with a ‘self care day’, but now that you have some time back use it wisely! Use that time to lean into what you need to start feeling good again.
No matter how reliable we are, at some stage in our life we will have to cancel plans.
Do it with love - for your friend & yourself!