Cancelling Plans Doesn't Mean Cancelling Friendship: 3 Tips for Navigating Changes in Plans

Transcript

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Hey Team! In today's Weekly Reminder, we're going to

be talking about how to cancel on plans.

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Now, there are some days where you feel

pumped.

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You're hanging out with your friends

and you're like, yes, let's do this again.

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And you make plans in advance thinking

they're going to be the best thing ever.

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And then when that day comes,

you wake up and you’re feeling like crap.

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You could be feeling like crap

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emotionally, physically,

just not mentally up or.

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Yeah.

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So what do you do

when you've made the plans?

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But now you kind of don't want to go like,

do you just force yourself to go.

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No, Definitely not.

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Before we get into what to do,

I think we should talk about

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what it's like being the friend

on the receiving end.

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And I think we have to acknowledge

that it's important to have empathy for

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the person who feels comfortable

enough to tell you,

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Hey, I'm not feeling up to it today

for this reason.

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Yeah, empathy is the key word

because I think

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when you get canceled on at first,

you could feel like,

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oh, they making excuses

or why wouldn't they let me know early?

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Sometimes it feels personal

and a lot of the time it's not personal.

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Yeah.

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So just having that awareness

that it's nothing to do with you,

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that person's

probably just having a bad day

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or they need some more time

with themselves.

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And if they have opened up to about

what's going on in their life, at least

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they feel comfortable enough

to let you know and let you in.

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So have empathy for them and understanding

as to why they've decided to cancel.

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We recently had plans with a friend

and like we dont catch up with friends

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very regularly.

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I would say we have friends

that we can see like maybe once a month.

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Yeah, we still consider them really close

friends and we had plans with a friend

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we hadn't seen for maybe three months

and they canceled the day before.

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We meant to meet because they were just

like, I've had such a hard week at work,

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like I'm mentally exhausted

and I just need some time for myself.

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And we actually took that as like a really

good sign of where our friendships are.

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Like this person trusted us

enough to cancel on us.

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They told us the truth and were open

and honest and that feels good

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that we've been able to build

that relationship with them.

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So definitely don't take it personal

when you get canceled on Now,

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what do you do

if you're the one who's woken up

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and you really don't feel

like going to the plans today?

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Well, what I like to do

is always give a little bit of context.

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I never just cancel and then don't say

anything about why I'm canceling.

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Sorry. Can't come today.

That would be the worst.

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Yeah, I always give a little bit

of like a story, like a back story

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on what's going on.

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So if I'm feeling physically ill,

I'll let them know.

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Like, I was sick, like a few days ago.

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I thought it would clear up,

but I'm still, like, getting worse.

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Or if I'm mentally not feeling up for it,

I would tell them that

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like depending on my relationship

with the person.

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But most of my friends,

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I would feel comfortable being like,

I'm just not feeling too good tonight.

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Like, can we do another day?

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In some cases, I've told my friends like,

Oh, I'm feeling a little bit sad tonight.

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Maybe like, I just want to stay in.

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And they've said,

Do you want me to come to you?

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Like we don't have to go out

to the restaurant.

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We can just stay in, like, still hang out,

which was really nice.

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Yeah, that is really nice.

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So I personally

like a little bit of context.

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So something else that I would suggest

is giving as much notice in advance

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as you possibly can

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if you know that you're not feeling

well the night before, plans out

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like your friends know!

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Hey this is just come up.

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This might affect our plans for tomorrow.

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I just wanted to give you some notice,

but I'll let you know how I go.

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Yes, like, honestly, my friends

just give me a little bit of a heads up.

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At least

I know the plans are like 5050 now.

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So, for example,

if I need to do something else myself,

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I can actually say to them,

Hey, let's actually just reorganize it.

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Especially when there's things

like reservations involved.

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I feel like I kind of have that duty

to like, let people know ahead of time.

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100%.

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And sometimes you feel so guilty

that you're too scared to message them.

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But the longer you leave it,

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the more you're going

to be putting that person out.

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So if you cancel on someone 10 minutes

before you're meant to meet them,

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that's going to suck way more

than if you have to cancel on them

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even an hour, 2 hours, 3 hours in advance.

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You have to think about the other person

and what they're doing to make those plans

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happen. So,

you know, people want to put on makeup.

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People literally like put tan on the night

before to like, catch up with friends.

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Or maybe they left work early

to make sure they can get to you on time,

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things like that.

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So just have the other person in mind

when you're thinking

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the plans are like 50.

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50, so you've canceled the plans.

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You've been open and honest with them

about what you're feeling

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and why you've canceled the next thing

that you should do is reschedule.

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I feel like if you are the one

who's canceled the plans, it's your

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responsibility to follow up with the plans

and reschedule them for the future.

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I think that just shows your friend

or the person in your life

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that you care enough to definitely

still want to hang out with them,

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just not on that particular day.

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It's important to prioritize ourselves

when we are feeling

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at our most vulnerable,

and it's also important to have empathy

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when our friends come to us

and explain that All.

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I can say is

now that you've canceled the plans,

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actually take that time for yourself,

like.

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Hundred percent.

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Use that time to make yourself feel good

in whatever way that comes in.

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And I know that one self-care night

isn't going to change your mental health

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overnight, but it can definitely help

you feel a little better the next day.

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We hope these tips help.

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We're sending you love,

and have a fantastic week. Bye!

Making plans when you feel good is easy.

What’s not so easy is having to cancel them.

Sometimes we make plans for a future date with all the right intentions, but when it rolls around, we are not feeling up for it anymore.

If we are the friend who gets cancelled on at the last minute, it’s important to have empathy.

If we are the friend who needs to cancel, here are some tips on how you can do that, whilst still keeping your friendship in tact!

• If you are comfortable explaining some of the emotions you are experiencing, that can really help your friend to understand what you are going through. Are you feeling a little run-down and need an early night? Are you feeling overwhelmed by work and need some time to get back on track? Are you feeling sad and don’t want to dress up and go out?
  

• If you know ahead of time, give notice! If you wake up with a sore throat on Thursday and have plans on the Friday, it’s okay to give your friend the heads up that you might need to change plans. It’s always nice when friends keep me in the loop so that we can adjust plans if we need!
  

• Make an effort to re-organise plans once you are feeling up to it. This is just my opinion, but I feel like if you have cancelled plans, then you should be the one to suggest the next catch up. It shows your friend that you do want to see them!

So you’ve cancelled your plans, you feel instant relief…. But now what.

Give yourself what your body / mind needs.

Your mental health is important, and cant be fixed with a ‘self care day’, but now that you have some time back use it wisely! Use that time to lean into what you need to start feeling good again.

No matter how reliable we are, at some stage in our life we will have to cancel plans.

Do it with love - for your friend & yourself!